I Have Been Away for a Very Good Reason

Hi Everyone! I apologize for my absence. I know you have missed me. I fully intended to write one last high school reunion blog. It was going to be about the people I bumped into that weekend who were "totally over high school." I was going to talk about how you couldn't be totally over high school because that doesn't make sense. But then I realized almost all the high school blogs sounded like that, so um, I skipped it! Also, my last few blogs weren't very funny. My humor was lacking and not modern. I needed help.

Luckily I found the help I needed in an antique store this past weekend:

Oh thank the Christ Jesus! I will be a modern humorist. I will tell jokes like this: 

Aunt Marindy had just been told that Ham, the Biblical character, was the founder of the negro race. The old woman snorted disdainfully.

"Tain't so!" she said. "We all ain't 'scended f'um no ham. We's 'scended f'um N*gger Demus. Dat's who!"

Haha! Hot damn! Let me pause for a moment so you can all slap your knees.

There is so much modern and not wrong with that joke. It's satire bitches! That was a real, modern joke in 1938. People were so funny back then.

Also, you should all probably start inviting me to host events at your parties, events, and galas. This book features 300 pages of "toast suggestions." I can weave in some pretty poignant stories about troops and graduating children.

So yeah, my absence has been worth it because while I've been away I've been busy BECOMING AWESOME. You understand.