I love my wife, but sometimes she makes me do things that make absolutely no sense. Today was one of those days. We went to Ames to visit an old college friend of ours--Niki. I don't know why Niki was in town. I don't know when Niki's mom moved to Ames and gave us all a convenient reason to visit Ames when Niki is back. Either way, none of these things matter to this story, on this day. We were supposed to be in Ames for a hamburger cookout at 3:00pm. We like to go to Ames, so we left home early and arrived around 12:00pm. We ate lunch at the wonderful Hickory Park. Then...well...then what?
We had nothing to do. Normally when we are in Ames we'll hit up all the various t-shirt shops and spend more money than necessary on wonderful red and yellow, excuse me, cardinal and gold ensembles. That's how we do, if you know what I'm saying. You probably don't know what I'm saying because the phrase, "that's how we do," actually makes no sense if you break it down word for consecutive word. That said, we couldn't do how we do on this day because all the Iowa State stores were closed—since today is a Sunday in July (or August? I can't remember what month it is) and there weren't a whole lot of reasons for anything to be open seeing as school is not in session and, oh yeah, it was ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN FRIGGIN DEGREES OUTSIDE. I've capitalized that last sentence to let you know it's important and will play into the story later. I’m trying to make reading easier for you novices.
Showing posts with label Retro Blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Retro Blog. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
RETRO BLOG: Now I Have Too Many Shelves
A long long time ago, in a blogaxy far far away, I mentioned that I intended to sell a very large movie collection I owned. This movie collection had a lot of movies. It had 548 DVDs, 19 blu-rays, and 135 seasons of various low-to-high quality television programs. It was disgusting. They were all over the place. I had movies crawling out of the sink and pouring out of my gutters. Golly!
Clearly I had a disease. What disease? Being too awesome to realize I owned too many movies. Then I got married, and my wife said, “Jay, you need to sell all of your movies right away. No man of mine will have such a large collection of unnecessary films on hand. You will be too busy doing everything I say to watch movies anyhow. Now go mow the lawn you wanker.” I bet you thought I was making that up until she said her trademark insult. Also, I realized I didn’t really need any movies, and I tired of buying all the movies, and I never watched the movies, and blah blah blah, I’ve explained this before. I’m here for a different reason right now. This blog has a different thesis statement then some other blog. I’m here to let you know that last weekend I had a garage sale. I put the last remaining movies out for the public (yech…the public, they are so much worse than us) to peruse and buy.
Clearly I had a disease. What disease? Being too awesome to realize I owned too many movies. Then I got married, and my wife said, “Jay, you need to sell all of your movies right away. No man of mine will have such a large collection of unnecessary films on hand. You will be too busy doing everything I say to watch movies anyhow. Now go mow the lawn you wanker.” I bet you thought I was making that up until she said her trademark insult. Also, I realized I didn’t really need any movies, and I tired of buying all the movies, and I never watched the movies, and blah blah blah, I’ve explained this before. I’m here for a different reason right now. This blog has a different thesis statement then some other blog. I’m here to let you know that last weekend I had a garage sale. I put the last remaining movies out for the public (yech…the public, they are so much worse than us) to peruse and buy.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
RETRO BLOG: Dalai Lama
Today the Dalai Lama gave two presentations at the University of Northern Iowa. I went to the first one. I didn't understand a lot of what he said, but the presentation was a very enjoyable experience.
In a nice bit of obliviousness, I had no idea that the Dalai Lama was coming to town. I learned about it only three days before the speech. I should probably get a subscription to a local newspaper or something. I'd never read it though. There's just too much on the TV and the Internet. I didn't feel as bad that I didn't know he was coming when several people at work didn't even know who he was. Now, I won't pretend that I have any idea as to what DL's function was, but I'd heard of him and figured he was supposed to be important because of his monkness and heck, he's sold some books, and I like books. So the guy in the office next to me got some tickets, and we decided to go see DL speak to the masses.
In a nice bit of obliviousness, I had no idea that the Dalai Lama was coming to town. I learned about it only three days before the speech. I should probably get a subscription to a local newspaper or something. I'd never read it though. There's just too much on the TV and the Internet. I didn't feel as bad that I didn't know he was coming when several people at work didn't even know who he was. Now, I won't pretend that I have any idea as to what DL's function was, but I'd heard of him and figured he was supposed to be important because of his monkness and heck, he's sold some books, and I like books. So the guy in the office next to me got some tickets, and we decided to go see DL speak to the masses.
Friday, June 25, 2010
RETRO BLOG: The Frank of Dan's Wedding
I was an usher in my college roommate Dan's wedding. It was in Houston. There are two notable stories from this wedding I want to talk about. This is the second.
My friend Dan had a fun wedding. I'm sure you can read all about it at his blog or his Facebook or his Twitter. Either way, if you would have told me in college that Dan would get married someday, boy would I have laughed and laughed. Then I'd forget why I was laughing, and we'd move onto another topic of conversation. We'd probably talk about baseball or videogames or movies. All in all, we would have had a great conversation. I'm really glad you hypothetically stopped by and had that conversation with me on that day.
Dan, marriage, continued. Since Dan was getting married, we obviously had to have a bachelor party. The bachelor party was in Houston I think. The wedding was in Galveston I know. Texas all looks the same. It's all just flat cornfields.
My friend Dan had a fun wedding. I'm sure you can read all about it at his blog or his Facebook or his Twitter. Either way, if you would have told me in college that Dan would get married someday, boy would I have laughed and laughed. Then I'd forget why I was laughing, and we'd move onto another topic of conversation. We'd probably talk about baseball or videogames or movies. All in all, we would have had a great conversation. I'm really glad you hypothetically stopped by and had that conversation with me on that day.
Dan, marriage, continued. Since Dan was getting married, we obviously had to have a bachelor party. The bachelor party was in Houston I think. The wedding was in Galveston I know. Texas all looks the same. It's all just flat cornfields.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
RETRO BLOG: The Journey to Dan's Wedding
I was an usher in my college roommate Dan's wedding. It was in Houston. There are two notable stories from this wedding I want to talk about. This is the first.
Airport employees are actually quite nice when you are nice to them. When I arrived at the Waterloo airport (where I was flying to Minneapolis, where I would then fly to Houston) it had been raining for four hundred consecutive hours. It was some sort of October record I think. Half the city was flooded. It had also been raining in Minneapolis for three weeks straight. Minneapolis was entirely underwater because it's surrounded by 10,000 lakes. That seems like an awfully round number to be an actual count of actual lakes. I demand a recount!
My original itinerary had a two hour layover in Minneapolis. This would have been plenty of time to traverse the Minneapolis airport, grab a Big Mac, smoke some Camels, etc. Unfortunately the desk attendant at the Waterloo airport let me know the Waterloo flight had been delayed for two hours due to the Midwest being completely underwater everywhere. They asked if I wanted to fly out in the morning. I did not want to fly out in the morning. My friend Ian was going to be in Houston that night, and it was the only night I was going to be able to see him. I told them I'd risk the flight. They asked if I knew anyone in Minneapolis I could stay with if I get stranded. I said of course I do. I travel to big cities all the time and know tons of people in all of them. They were very impressed by this.
Airport employees are actually quite nice when you are nice to them. When I arrived at the Waterloo airport (where I was flying to Minneapolis, where I would then fly to Houston) it had been raining for four hundred consecutive hours. It was some sort of October record I think. Half the city was flooded. It had also been raining in Minneapolis for three weeks straight. Minneapolis was entirely underwater because it's surrounded by 10,000 lakes. That seems like an awfully round number to be an actual count of actual lakes. I demand a recount!
My original itinerary had a two hour layover in Minneapolis. This would have been plenty of time to traverse the Minneapolis airport, grab a Big Mac, smoke some Camels, etc. Unfortunately the desk attendant at the Waterloo airport let me know the Waterloo flight had been delayed for two hours due to the Midwest being completely underwater everywhere. They asked if I wanted to fly out in the morning. I did not want to fly out in the morning. My friend Ian was going to be in Houston that night, and it was the only night I was going to be able to see him. I told them I'd risk the flight. They asked if I knew anyone in Minneapolis I could stay with if I get stranded. I said of course I do. I travel to big cities all the time and know tons of people in all of them. They were very impressed by this.
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