LOL: I Have a Blog on the Internet

Yeesh. My blog skilz have been atrocious as of late. I probably have a lot of reasons as to why. Maybe I'll get into them soon. I might not though. I have no idea where this blog will go. I told my wife I'm going to write a blog hell or high water, even if it ends up being about magic elves or something.

AN INTERRUPTING PREVIEW BLOG ABOUT MAGIC ELVES:

"Hello Ralph. How was your weekend?" Mark asked as he placed the coffee pot back on the burner.

"In a word: Frustrating!" Ralph said, gritting his teeth. He grabbed a plastic cup and shoved it under the blue spout on the Culligan machine.

"I hear that. You must not have had your home invaded by magic elves like I did," Mark said.

"Um, what?" Ralph stopped filling his cup.

"Yeah. Damndest thing, I'm sitting there with my wife when all of a sudden these small little creatures break into my house. They were about four inches tall, had nasally voices, and pointy ears. They looked like garden gnomes but were very clearly elves." Ralph twitched.

"Clearly. Are you okay Mark?" Mark started to look around the room for a hidden camera, an escape route, a something.

"I've never been better. The magic elves finally told me to how to free myself. I had to light my house on fire. I had to do this immediately. I couldn't even save my three pet birds. My family might have even been inside. I lost track of them after I tied them up. I didn't have time to check to see if they passed the magic elves' test. You know, the test that requires them to break out of ropes while beaten and gagged in a closet?" Mark nonchalantly stirred creamer into his coffee.

"Um."

"So anyways, what made your weekend so frustrating?"

"I think I'm going to leave now."

A RESUMPTION OF A BLOG ABOUT NOT WRITING BLOGS RECENTLY:

You know how sometimes you just find yourself not doing something and then when you have time to do something you don't do it because the simple act of doing that something has become overwhelming? Like the act of doing something simple is now hard simply because the only way you can justify putting off something so simple and so easy is to somehow convince yourself it's hard and difficult? I'm sure you understand those two very clearly written sentences. That's what blogging sometimes becomes. It's a lot of pressure writing for all one of you (HI MOM!) that read this blog. Only it's not pressure, not really. If what I write is awful, you'll just open a new tab, fill it with ESPN or your Netflix queue or a Quantum Leap fansite (I recommend this one: Al's Place). If what I write is good, you'll chuckle and ponder and start to think just like me. I will have truly have changed the world. Except, once again, not really.

When I started this blog after leaving my last blog I had two goals: I wanted to keep it updated semi-consistently, and I wanted to avoid long-winded political and/or opinionated rants. The Internet is not a pulpit, and people delude themselves into thinking it is. I did/do not want to be one of those people. Unfortunately anything I've wanted to write about lately has been things that have upset me. Some of them are unique to just me: work, work, work. Some of them are worldly issues: judge elections, people who falsely use religion to coerce the weak and the scared into...DAMN IT! I'M DOING IT AGAIN...

ANYWHO, I think I just needed to get up on this computer box and do what we hip hoppists call freeverse. Nahmean? I mean, now that I have my magic fingers (which are not to be confused with magic trolls...I hear those can be quite persuasive) a-typin' again, who knows where this will go?

PS: That last line works in two ways: it kick starts a new round of blogging AND acts as a hilarious last line if I don't end up blogging for another two months.

PPS. I stand by my earlier assertion that blogs don't need postscripts. They can simply have more writing. Eh. I had one other thought I just had to tell you: I've added my Twitter thoughts on the side. I always thought I'd hate Twitter. I'm sorry I was so mean to you before Twitter. You're really great. I learn so much about the world from you each day.