Googling Myself: What is Jay Schmitz Up To Today?

I am not a celebrity. Obviously I should be. We all know that. I'm not though. In the past, whenever I'd Google myself I wouldn't even be anywhere on Google...and Google is really big. It was sad really. Why wasn't anyone talking about me?

I'm happy to report I'm now the fourth Jay Schmitz listed on Google. Thank you Twitter! That means I'm the number one Jay Schmitz on Twitter and the fourth Jay Schmitz on Google. That's no small task.

But who are these other Jay Schmitzes? And how do you pluralize my last name? Schmitzs? That looks weird. I'm going with Schmitzes. That is the Official Pluralization of My Last Name for This Blog.

Today, let's look at the first Jay Schmitz Google listed. Naturally, he is an MMA fighter. For those of you with good taste and/or those of you that have never lived in Davenport, IA here is what MMA is: Mixed Martial Arts. It is so boring. Basically two people with tattoos come into an octagon (which is an octagon mat inside of a fence) and dance around for a few minutes. They might throw a few punches. If they ever get around to throwing a punch the crowd will go, "oooh," because something almost happened, but nothing actually happened. Usually the two tattooed people just try to grab each other. The first to grab their opponent wins. Or something like that. That is what always seems to happen. Look--there is no pageantry. There are no scripted storylines. There are no bright colored tights. There is no Vince McMahon. BORING.

But I do have a new favorite MMAer. His name is Jay Schmitz:



Unfortunately the video quality is sketchy, so I couldn't watch the entire video. Admittedly, if the video quality was good, I wouldn't watch the entire video. Based on the comments on the actual youtube page for this video, I'm pretty sure other me gets his ass kicked. I feel somewhat justified in not choosing an MMA career based on this. I also feel justified in not choosing an MMA career based on several other reasons (lack of desire for head trauma and fluctuating interesting in fitness to name two).

It's sort of surreal to read about a me that isn't me and hasn't even heard of me. Clearly in the heated nurture vs nature vs name argument, name loses. No self-respecting Jay Schmitz would ever be an MMA fighter. A self-respecting Jay Schmitz would be a manager of champions in the World Wrestling Federation. Duh.