Qatar is a Country I Just Heard About Today

This past summer I wrote about the World Cup. You probably need to be reminded of what the World Cup is because it's not going on right now, so no one is talking about it or the sport it features. The World Cup is an event that takes place every four years (which is every four years more than it should happen) where all the best soccer players you've never heard of from places you've never even heard of beat up and embarrass our own United States American soccer placers you've never heard of. It usually happens in the middle of the summer when nothing else fun in sports is really going on, so the sports media tries to guilt you, a hot-blooded American, into liking soccer. "The world loves it. Why don't you love it?" says the sports media.

Oh shut up sports media.

Quick Fact: Did you know soccer was invented by impoverished yokels who simply needed a way to keep score when they kicked a rock around their barren neighborhood parks? Look it up somewhere.