I Do So Much Building and Constructing

Last December, on the day after Christmas, my father-in-law and I started to finish Kelsey's and my basement. We finished the job this past Saturday. Actually, it was Sunday morning at 2:00am. Kelsey told us we needed to finish the basement before the Big American Party we had on Sunday night. I could have been finished around 9:00pm, but I procrastinated the hell out of my last task: sealing the grout in both the bathroom and the bar areas. I would not have procrastinated had I known this job only took FIVE F'IN MINUTES! Everyone told me that's how long it took to seal grout, but I thought that was crazy talk. Oh well.  In the five hours I "wasted" in the basement I got some substantial cleaning done which I suppose needed to be done? I don't know? I think I swept the same floor about six times. To anal cleaning! What a cheer.

Also causing delay that night: I went over to my parent's house, where my cousin Jenny, her husband Val, and their son Sebastian (who is ten? close to ten? somewhere thereabouts?) were visiting. Technically my brother was visiting too, but he doesn't factor into this blog at all because of his total lack of building skills. He is really bad at building. He actually asked me if he had to go to a screw store to get a screw. When I told him yes, he acted like I was the idiot. Where else would you buy a screw?

What many of you probably don't know about me is that I've been a big time builder all my life. It started as I built Lego spaceships for the mighty M-Tron warriors so they could defeat the evil Blacktron warriors.  I also built spaceships for the evil Blacktron warriors, but the M-Tron warriors (the M is for magnet by the way...they were Lego sets with magnets...I don't know if they should have included the M in their name...but they are small plastic people and from the early 90s and not very good at marketing I guess) had better spaceships because some of theirs had wheels. You need a good ground attack in a war.  Everyone knows that.  For what it's worth, I don't think either side of the war realized they commissioned ships from the same contractor.

I bring up my intergalactic Lego space collection because Sebastian had all of my Legos dumped on the floor at my parent's house on Saturday. I needed to leave and finish my basement, but I couldn't leave without first building a Lego creation for Sebastian's space fighting troops.  There was an epic war brewing.

Anyways, I've said enough words.  I'm reading For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway right now and that book is pretty much ruining words for me. There are too many words in that book, and most of them are the same words over and over again.  Ugh, just blow up the damned bridge already you Spanish crybabies! Because I hate words now, I'm going to resort to pictures, with minimal captional interruptions.

The following poorly framed picture is of the spare bedroom.  It's egress window is currently not up to code because I do not have a secured 44 inch platform for people to step on to get to the window in case of a fire or emergency.  According to inspectors, if you stay in this room, you will die:

Here are two pictures of the entertainment area. I mounted the TV whilst intoxicated with a neighbor who was also intoxicated. Because one drunk plus one drunk equals sober! Math. The bookshelf has all the essentials: Stephen King's Dark Tower series, the Harry Potter books, the Lemony Snicket books, and everything by Kurt Vonnegut. Also there is surround sound in the walls and really cool pillows on the couch:

This is my Road Destruction Warrior. We decided to give it large front wheels so it could ram an enemy while rolling forward but would be able to escape aerodynamically (more or less) in reverse. Sebastian built a Scout vehicle that let my Road Destruction Warrior know where he needed to go and ram:

This is the room I write blogs in now:

This is the escape hatch I built in case my warrior needed to escape. It's a dangerous world out there:

This is a cute yellow table in the giant area of our basement that can be used for anything we damn well please thank you very much.  The pointing man in the corner is very important and if any of you take it from me, I will break you:

This is where we will now get drunk at.  Also, the counter can be used for several things: placing objects, placing documents, placing shopping bags, so much placing can be done on that counter. There is a mini-fridge there for mini-pizzas and mini-beers and mini-sodas and mini-people.  I'm pretty sure if we moved the fridge you'd find a portal to Narnia behind it. Avoid Tilda Swinton!:

Here is the captain of my spaceship. I gave him a pirate pistol, but Sebastian reminded me that in space he'll probably need a laser pistol. It was an easy upgrade. He has a radio that is the size of half of him. He is about the size of two delicious Twizzler Cherry Bites. He is not delicious though. Please don't eat the captain of my spaceship:

This is a picture of an empty linen closet. There are no shelves in that linen closet. This is such a boring picture. What was I thinking when I took this picture? I was probably thinking, "I hope this picture isn't as boring in picture as it is in real life." Technically the lack of shelves means the basement is not done. But if you think of this as a closet to trap people in, then the basement is done. My wife is trapped in there right now. DON'T YOU TELL ON ME!:

Sebastian reminded me that while a ramming vehicle is an important addition to any space fleet, a gun will still be necessary. The enemy might have some sort of aerial attack and all the ground vehicles will need to be able to defend themselves. In addition, a mounted gun will help us eliminate enemy soldiers in the distance without having to drive over them. He's a smart kid:

I've really shown you all I've built now.  I should mention that my father in law built a lot of the basement and Sebastian helped me design the Road Destruction Warrior.  Thanks for your help guys.

Remember in college when I didn't know how to hang shelves on my wall and drank Smirnoff Ice?  I'm such a man now compared to that guy.  If I saw that guy I'd hit his books to the floor and say, "Geek." Everyone would really like that. People enjoy watching people with non-traditional gender hobbies being made fun of.