I know I know, you’ve seen me before. I look totally familiar to you. Where have you seen me? Oh it’s just killing you I can tell. Was I in that one movie with what’s his name? No that’s not it. Oh oh oh! You know! I was in that advertising all over the Quad Cities because I’m beautiful and better than you. That’s right. I’m proud of you for coming up with it so fast, but disappointed you didn’t remember sooner. I am a celebrity now you know. You know.
Apparently the photographer of my wedding created new business cards. Apparently those business cards feature my beautiful bride and her beautiful husband. Apparently is the wrong word to be using at the beginning of those sentences because it implies doubt, and there is no doubt:
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| A blurry photo of a miniature photo. Art. |
So please people, know that I’m officially better than you, I would like my title changed from interim captain of awesome to the more succinct captain of awesome. Please keep my title in all lower cap letters as to appear trendier. Also please don’t talk to me again. I only converse with other models and celebrities and waiters at restaurants that bring me food and beer.
Audible scoff.
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