Science Proves Me Wrong as Sleep Awaits

Jeff wins. Sort of. You can kind of make a 500 ended candle if it were a giant flame ball:

Obviously, the candle I envisioned looked more professional and had several crossing paths, like this:

So Science wins again by proving the impossible. Good job Jeff. I expect a five-hundred page thesis with annotated foot notes explaining your project by next Friday. 

Really though, I'm just happy to be going to bed before 10:00pm for the first time in eleven years. This is great news for us all!